


The Gang Gets Quarantined (Again)

by dandelionblizzard



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: F/F, Ficlet, M/M, Nonbinary Character, One Shot, Quarantine, Screenplay/Script Format, Short One Shot, Trans Charlie Kelly, pretty rough and unfinished lol, video call
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26713243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandelionblizzard/pseuds/dandelionblizzard
Summary: The gang video call each other while in quarantine. We learn some interesting (queer) things about the twins and Charlie.this is in script format but AO3 ate my indents :( so its a bit ugly but i'm not reformatting it by hand
Relationships: Dee Reynolds/Original Female Character, Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds
Kudos: 32





	The Gang Gets Quarantined (Again)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this isn't finished or polished but if you have any ideas for the ending please leave them in the comments. again this is very rough and basically just a hint of an idea with some queer things added. also i will never post a screenplay format fic again because AO3 is a nightmare

We see the gang join a video call. MAC and DENNIS are on the same camera. DEE joins in, but she is out of focus. FRANK and CHARLIE join last, on the same call.

DENNIS

Hey guys, how are you?

The gang responds over each other.

MAC

I'm just glad we got the call working.

DEE

Yeah. Y'know something? I actually miss you guys.

CHARLIE

Oh fuck you Dee.

DENNIS

You sappy bitch. I know I certainly don't miss your voice in my ear 8 hours a day.

MAC

So high-pitched. You should take some testosterone Dee, to lower your voice.

Everyone agrees except Dee.

FRANK

Hey is my mic on?

CHARLIE

Yes Frank we're on the same call! What are you talking about?

FRANK

You know I have some trouble with the new technology Charlie. You gotta help me.

Dennis turns off the camera but not the video.

MAC

Dennis! I don't know what I did!

DENNIS

(harsh but calmly)

Yes you do. You know full well what you did during that call, boy.

(dennisly)

Go to your room. Wait for me, whereupon you will receive your punishment.

Everyone looks shocked but doesn't say anything.

CHARLIE

(whispering)

Okay, I'll kick him off the call.

...

EVERYONE

What was that?

DEE

This is domestic abuse! I- I think we should call someone!

CHARLIE

Dee, don't be stupid.

FRANK

Yeah, you know back in my day we never blinked an eye at abuse. We just went out and banged a few whores together to keep the guy away from his wife. So she could get some rest and heal up.

CHARLIE

That's a good idea!

DEE

No, what? You can't go out and bang anyone right now anyway, Frank!

FRANK

Oh shit. I didn't even think about that. Charlie, what am I gonna do?

CHARLIE

It's okay Frank, we'll figure something out--

Charlie and Frank disconnect.

DEE

(resigned/upset)

Come on.

FADE TO BLACK

Charlie is calling Mac. Open to Charlie in the dark.

MAC

Charlie? Hey. What's up? Why is it so dark?

Mac has red marks and scratches on his neck.

CHARLIE

Hey dude - look, you gotta help me.

MAC

Are you in the crevice?

CHARLIE

Yeah I'm in the crevice cause I got a serious problem here. Alright so: Frank can't go out and bang whores any more, right?

Mac affirms this.

CHARLIE

So, he keeps suggesting things to me. And- I don't want to do things with him... Or anyone really...

(trails off)

MAC

(gayly)

Oh my God Charlie! What are you gonna do?

CHARLIE

I don't know dude. Hey man, are you okay? You have some marks there, could be rat bites.

MAC

They're not rat bites okay.

(deflecting)

I'm fine. I really don't know what you're gonna do about Frank though.

We hear Dennis in the background.

MAC

Oh shit, okay Dennis is calling me so I'd better go.

He leaves while Charlie protests.

CHARLIE

Well alright, may as well get Dee on here.

Charlie calls Dee but remains connected to Mac. Mac comes back while talking to Dennis. He plugs in the laptop and accidentally leaves the camera on, but with no sound.

CHARLIE

What are you doing man?

Mac and Dennis are on the couch together, talking. Dennis grabs Mac by the shoulders.

CHARLIE

Oh shit - the abuse. He's gonna hit him-

Charlie cuts off as he sees them kiss.

CHARLIE

(stunned noises)

Dee joins the call with a poorly set up greenscreen.

DEE

Hey Charlie I got a greenscreen--

Dee sees the kiss as well and stops talking.

FADE TO BLACK

Mac calls Charlie.

CHARLIE

(awkward)

Hey.. Mac...

MAC

Hey Charlie. So, Den and I were thinking of ways to get you out of this Frank thing, and I-

CHARLIE

Oh no, don't worry about it man.

MAC

But you're wearing a dress, isn't Frank making you wear it? To look like a chick?

CHARLIE

Nah.

MAC

That's it? Nah? Not gonna explain that?

CHARLIE

(pausing)

Nah. Anyway, I helped Frank get onto this porn site, he couldn't figure out the searches, or something..

MAC

Ewww.

CHARLIE

Yeah, I know. It's kind of upsetting to just see something that you didn't want to see, or expect to see happening..

(trailing off)

between two people you know...

MAC

Yeah exactly. Now Charlie - about the dress - as the group's resident gay you can feel free to ask me questions about anything queer, okay.

CHARLIE

Okay. I don't have any questions.

MAC

No gender questions?

CHARLIE

Nah, cause, we don't even do gender at our bar anymore, right?

MAC

Righ-

CHARLIE

Cause we can go in different bathrooms, and wear whatever we want, and just not do the gender stuff.

MAC

Charlie, are you saying you're nonbinary?

CHARLIE

I'm.. A nunnery? Nah, I could never fit all those nuns inside me at once-

MAC

Don't worry about it, never mind.

CHARLIE

I'm just doing my own thing over here, just being Charlie.

MAC

Yeah man. You're just Charlie.

Mac grins sincerely at Charlie.

FADE TO BLACK

Another group call.

DENNIS

Hey. Oh God Dee, what's that?

DEE

It's my greenscreen. I can change the background, look.

Dee is now in space. There is a lot of artifacting on the greenscreen.

DENNIS

Wow Dee, you're in space. Amazing!

FRANK

Hey who's that in the back Dee?

Dee shifts camera away from bedroom.

DEE

No one, Frank, that's who.

CHARLIE

It's a girl. She's got a girl in the back - Dee I didn't know you had a roommate?

DEE

Yeah, she's new.

MAC

No, she's banging that chick.

DENNIS

Yeah, definitely.

DEE

(protesting noises)

I am not! I can't believe you guys-

MAC

Dee you have to accept that I am a queer, and I can spot gayness anywhere and everywhere. And you were definitely banging her.

DENNIS

Dee, I can't believe you are being this irresponsible during a pandemic!

FRANK

(overlapping)

Yeah Dee, I haven't been able to bang any whores during this pandemic - why should you get to?

CHARLIE

You're spreading the disease Dee, not to mention all the Dee germs you have.

DEE

Well...! Dennis is banging Mac!

All shocked.

FADE TO BLACK


End file.
